Next time you leave Mama's kitchen for a little trip of your own,
here's a few tips on what NOT to do to keep you safe and sound.
- Do
NOT talk to strangers! Sketchy looking people looking sketchy for a
reason. Be extremely careful in crowded subways, train stations,
elevators, tourist sites, marketplaces, festivals and crime-ridden
neighborhoods. And just get OUT of those crime-ridden neighborhoods!
What were you doing in there anyway?
- Don't go walking down small alleyways and dimly lit streets. You've
seen the movies. Nothing good ever happens in dark alleys.
- Unless your mama is standing right next to you, don't be going to
any public demonstrations or political disturbances. I don't care how
important the cause is! Its not easy getting a cute little American
like yourself out of a foreign jail!
- Do not raise your voice and do not get into arguments. Mama raised
you better than that.
- Do not discuss travel plans with strangers. Go back and read rule #1
again.
- Do not look as if you are lost. Appear confident, even when you’re
actually lost. Just call Mama and she'll look you up on Google Maps and
help you find your way home.
- Do not fight a mugger. juIf you are attacked or confronted, do not
fight back! Just give up your valuables. You are more valuable to Mama
than your ring is to your finger.
- Do not take unofficial taxis, which are not marked or metered.
- Do not accept candy, food or beverages from strangers in trains or
buses. Mama doesn't care which country you are in, you shouldn't be
taking food from strangers!
- Do not forget to call your Mama!
